


Chomper and Spades

by Spectascopes



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bittybones (Undertale), Gen, Reader-Insert, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-17 03:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16508984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spectascopes/pseuds/Spectascopes
Summary: You find a couple of bitties living behind your fridge. The one little purple lizard hates your guts, but her even littler friend seems to enjoy the candy you leave him. Maybe you can befriend them...?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> its been like four days, i know. I KNOW. i'm already writing bitty AU's of deltarune but PLEASE LMFAO i love lancer and susie SO MUCH and its all i know how to do, please,,, go easy on me,,,,,, ,, , ,,,,, 
> 
> Spades bitties = Lancer  
> Chomper bitties = Susie

A few weeks ago, you’d set some traps to catch the rats that were nibbling at your food. Humane ones, of course, you couldn’t blame the things for needing to eat. It was the dead of winter, some nights reached below freezing, whatever was eating your cereal and stealing hershey kisses from your counter was obviously hungry, but whatever it was, it couldn’t live on that for long. 

You got up on Saturday morning, groggy and half-asleep after a long night of video games and fun with your online friends. Your morning routine was lackluster- get up, brush your teeth, piss, it was all normal stuff. You were already making a pot of coffee when you remembered to check the rat traps.

You moved the trash can out from the wall a little and found… a couple of things that were definitely not rats.

There was a Spades bitty trapped in the little cage you’d set up, and a Chomper bitty guarding it with what appeared to be an axe made of a pointed stone.

The little reptilian bitty jumped when you came into view, but held up the axe and swung it threateningly at you.

“Get lost, asshole!” she cried, cowering against the metal of the trap. The Spades bitty inside was clutching the bars and staring up at you. Well, you assumed- it wasn’t like the thing had eyes.

It took you a second to comprehend what was happening. In the span of that time, the little Chomper ran forward with reckless abandon and swung the axe into your toe.

“Ow, hey!” you yelped, jerking your foot back away from her. She retreated at once, still growling. Your poor tootsie was going to have a bruise, that axe wasn’t really that sharp but it certainly wasn’t something to joke around about!

“Let him go, you big human turd!” the bitty demanded. “You stupid, evil…” she mumbled as you got down on all fours to be closer to the things, mindful of where you put your fingers, because you didn’t want anything broken by the belligerent little thing.

She was a mess. Though putting on an angry facade, she was shaking badly, the one eye you could see through her hair wide and scared. 

The Spades bitty, on the other hand…

“H...hi!” he said after a beat of silence. He was so tiny- maybe three inches, compared to the Chomper’s possible five. Like a little rubber bouncy ball with some added appendages. 

“Lancer, shh!” the Chomper scolded.

“Hi,” you greeted in return, ignoring the angry purple bitty's words as you tilted your head. “Uhm… how’d you get in the trap, little dude?”

“There was cheese in it and I was hungry,” he explained, his voice high with nerves but otherwise strangely calm. He was so round and silly-looking, with that onion-shaped head, you couldn’t help but smile.

“Lancer, stop talking to the enemy!”

"But-!"

"No buts!!"

“I’m, uh… not the enemy? I didn’t realize it was a couple of bitties stealing my food… thought you guys were rats or something.” you tried to explain, but the Chomper shook her head.

“If you’re not the enemy then let him go and leave us alone!”

You hesitated, because something inside of you wanted to try and reason with the bitty further, but eventually you sighed.

“Okay. I’ll let him go, just don’t hit me with that axe, okay?”

“Mm,” the bitty grumbled, hefting it over her shoulder.

You reached out and gently opened the door to the cage. The Spades bitty- Lancer?- smiled as the door opened and skipped out. The other was quick to grab his tiny little hand and bolt, practically dragging the bitty along as they ran away.

You let them go as you sat back on your ass and watched the tiny duo disappear behind the fridge. 

Well that was one way to start your morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw chapters aren't gonna be super long so i'll try to update p frequently!

Over the next week, you started to leave food out for the little guys more and more frequently. At first it was just the things they stole- chocolate kisses on the floor near the fridge, a ¼ measuring cup full of cereal every few days. Despite the Chomper bitty hating you, the food always seemed to disappear. 

After about a week had passed and you didn’t see the bitties again, you started leaving more things out for them. One evening you put down a few pitted cherries, some lemon juice-coated apple slices, and some halved grapes. That was all gone by morning, so you tried some meat- tiny pieces of dried meat sticks. That also left. You had a feeling they were just taking it and storing it somewhere, but as long as the little guys were getting some much-needed nutrients into their bodies, you wouldn’t complain. 

You also did a lot of reading into the different types of bitties, and what Spades and Chompers were like. 

Chompers were very aggressive, rude bitties that didn’t bond easily and had an innate distrust of humans. You really didn’t need to read about that to know it, but it was at least comforting to understand that you weren’t just a really unlikable human in general. Ideally their proper diet included meat, which is why you’d been trying your hardest to give her that. 

Spades bitties, on the other hand, were easily swayed and bonded readily with any human that showed them kindness, though they had a propensity towards mischief. It made you wonder what the dynamic between these two could possibly be, and what their conversations sounded like…

 

“We should introduce ourselves, Susie!”

“What!? Absolutely not, that  _ thing _ will pick us up and sell us the moment we turn our backs. It’s a human, Lancer.”

The bitty pouted and stuck his tongue out, crossing his arms where he sat on their makeshift bitty seats, which were really just pieces of stuffing they’d taken from the back of the couch given shape. 

“But they give us food…” he argued, the point of his head drooping.

Susie, who was standing and trying to sharpen her axe on a small rock the two had found, gritted her teeth. 

“So what? They’re trying to butter us up. You wanna go back to that store, Lance? You think they aren’t thinkin’ about makin’ a quick buck off a couple a bitties stealing their chocolate?”

Lancer sunk down further.

“Besides,” Susie continued, setting the axe down and walking over to her friend in the dimly lit pocket of space behind the fridge, “we’re fine like this. We have food, we’re warm, everything’s good right now, yeah?”

Lancer nodded. After a moment of thought, he brightened.

“Yeah… we’re the bad guys! We take what we want!”

“Exactly! Nobody can tell us what to do- we’re a couple of free bitties!”

Lancer grinned at Susie, who gave him a loving push on the shoulder. “Now come on, pipsqueak, let’s go see what the dummy left for us today.”

 

You continued to leave food out for them for weeks, and it was always taken. You never saw the bitties in the act, and you hadn’t left any traps out since the little Spades had gotten caught in one. Lancer, is what the other had called him- that was a cute name, you thought.

You didn’t see them again until one Monday morning before work. A cut up Slim Jim was their treat today- on the house, of course. 

When you bent down and pulled out the trash can from the wall and the fridge, you were surprised to see the little Spades caught like a deer in the headlights. He was so round and adorable, his tiny, tiny hands up like he was under arrest.

“Oh! Hey, little guy,” you greeted, hoping to ease some of his fear.

He shifted, eyeing the gap between the wall and the fridge. You’d been worried, honestly- you hadn’t seen either of them in almost a month, but knowing that at least one was okay put your worries to bed.

“Where’s your friend?”

“She, uhm, she…” the Spades- Lancer, you corrected- pressed one of his feet to the ground and shifted it around. “She’s out getting water…”

“Oh, okay, I was worried about you two. You getting enough to eat?”

Lancer peered up at you as best he could without eyes. 

“We’re… the bad guys, dude!” he announced, putting his hands to his chest. “We, uhm… we like what you leave us, though.”

“Bad guys?”

“Yeah, we’re the bad guys, loser! We got out of our store and ran away, just like I’m about to do… right now!” he said, sticking his tongue out and darting back to the gap. You didn’t move to stop him, just watched as he stumbled and tripped. 

“You didn’t see that!” he shouted before pushing himself up and disappearing into the darkness.

You smiled after him. If they were the bad guys, you guessed that made you the good guy?

You wouldn't complain.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more Liddol Bitties

“Susie, c’mon, I… I don’t think we should be doing this,” Lancer called up to his friend. 

Susie grunted as she clawed up the wooden cupboards and attempted to scale her way up to the counter. She was about halfway, her claws allowing her purchase on the rough, antiqued surface.

“That bitch hasn’t been leaving us chocolate and I want some,” Susie said to her poor defense. “So I’m going to get it!”

Lancer wrung his hands out through his mittens and chewed his tongue. 

“Susieee…”

“Don’t whine at me, bad guys don’t whine!” she scolded, returning her attention to heaving herself up the surface. It wasn’t the first time she’d done it, but it was the middle of the night, the human was sleeping in their room… what if they woke up and saw all the tiny scratches on their stuff?

Lancer watched in worry. She was almost at the top now- trying to find the best way over the little lip of smoothness at the very edge.

There was a moment where Lancer thought she was going to make it… only for her claws to slide over the granite. His soul dropped at the same time she did.

 

You were woken by… somebody crying?

You sat up, rubbed the sleep from your eyes, and looked around your dimly lit bedroom. There was nobody there… you were too groggy to consider much other than pesky demons, so you reached over to turn the lamp on.

That’s when you saw him. The little Spades bitty was in the middle of your bedroom floor, and the longer you had to wake up, the more you heard his little sniffles.

“...Human?” he called, voice wobbling.

“Oh, uh… hey, Lancer,” you greeted, on edge as you got out from under the covers and shivered in the cold winter air. “What’s, uh… what’s wrong?”

“I tried to tell her not to but she wouldn’t listen and now- now- I-I think her leg is broken,” he said, almost too fast and too wet to understand. He looked so absolutely tiny in the middle of the floor like he was. 

“...the Chomper?”

The bitty nodded. 

“I… I don’t know what to do,” he cried. “I know I’m a bad guy, but… but she’s my friend, and I don’t…”

“Hey, easy, let me come have a look, okay?” you tried to comfort him, getting up and walking over. “Is it okay if I pick you up?”

Lancer shook his head, and you respected that. He took off for the slightly-opened door and you followed behind him.

You got to the kitchen, and lo and behold, there she was. The bitty was grasping her leg, which was twisted at an awful angle, and when she saw you she growled and hissed.

“Get away! Don’t fuckin touch me!”

You got down and sat as Lancer made his way over to his friend and immediately siddled right up to her, careful of her wounded appendage but clearly looking for comfort.

They were so small and… and scared. You could see it in the Chomper bitty’s eyes and the way Lancer was shaking. It must have taken a lot for them to come and get you.

“Okay. Uhm, well…” you rubbed the back of your head. “It looks like your leg is broken, Chomper.”

“That’s not my name, dipshit!” she protested, but her animated movement of flipping you off just made her wince and grit her fangs as the pain went through her leg, which no doubt hurt.

“It’s Susie,” Lancer explained. “And- and I’m Lancer! We’re, uhm… the bad guys…”

“You guys don’t seem that bad to me,” you said at once. “But, I can respect your moral orientation… can I look at your leg, Susie?”

“Fuck no,” Susie said.

“Susie! They’re being nice right now, you don’t have to be such a grump!” the tinier protested. 

Susie went to growl again, but then doubled over as another wave of pain hit her. You frowned. You opened your mouth to ask how she’d gotten hurt and ended up on the kitchen floor, but then you saw the scratches all over your cabinets.

“I’m not going to hurt you guys or anything,” you explained calmly. “I know you’re just looking for food and shelter for the winter- I’m not mad you took up residence in my house.”

“See, Susie? Sweet as a peach!” Lancer said, but then his face turned back towards the leg and he frowned, impossibly tiny blue tongue sticking out. “You, uhm… don’t know how to heal broken legs, do you?”

“I’m afraid I don’t,” you said. “But I can take you to the vet, they’ll know how to-”

“No!” Susie protested at once, the sudden shout making her growl and hold her leg again. “No, I’m not- you can’t take me back there-”

You held up your hands. “It’s just the vet! I promise, they only want to help you. They can probably fix your leg and get you walking again soon…”

“No.” Susie’s voice was firm and left little room for argument from you. 

“Susie…” Lancer whimpered. “But… if you can’t walk… how will we get water and food?”

Susie looked away, her hair covering her eyes. 

“Just leave me here to dust, I guess,” she muttered.

“Susie!” Lancer shouted.

“There’s no need to be so dramatic…” you said gently. “It’s a broken leg, not the end of the world… we can get it fixed up if you’d let me take you to the vet- I promise they won’t hurt you.”

Susie curled up into as much of a ball as he leg would allow. 

“No,” she said again, but it was less adamant this time. “No, I’m not going back there.”

“To the vet?”

“To the store!” she exclaimed. “I know you’re- nggh- you’re just gonna take us back to the store and sell us! That’s what humans do with wild bitties, they take away their freedom and everything they love- and I’ll never see Lancer again- and- nngh-!”

“That’s ridiculous,” you said at once. “I’m not going to sell you guys back to a bitty store- if I wanted a quick dollar I would have taken Lancer when I caught him in the cage! I just want to help…”

“Why? You’re just a dumb, stupid human…” Susie whined.

“I know, but… you guys are kind of cute, and I like leaving you food…” you smiled a little bit. “I like having you two around.”

Lancer was looking up at you. He seemed to steel himself, taking in a big deep breath, before he left Susie’s side and walked over to your knee and laid a mittened hand against it.

“Lancer, get away from-!”

“They’re not gonna hurt us, Susie!” Lancer said, looking from the reptilian bitty to you and back again. “They’re not gonna thrash us or nothin’, look at them!”

“Lancer-”

“I trust them. You should, too.” Lancer’s statement was final. You stared down at the bitty, so miniscule, and commended his bravery. 

Susie growled and hissed to herself for a long moment. After a while of her leg hurting and her friend changing allegiances, she let out a sad, broken laugh.

“Fine. Fine! Take me to the stupid vet, I’ll bite everyone there!”

You really hoped she wouldn’t.


End file.
